The Accident Revisited
Bitterness, grief, disappointment, self-accusation. All easy and strangely comforting but ultimately, destructive. Enjoying the positives is the difficult choice but the only rewarding one.
I wasn’t expecting the response that greeted me when I posted last week. It’s amazing how the support has never disappeared. Thank you all for your messages on here and on twitter. They encouraged me to start reading my old posts again and I’ve just finished The Accident.
I wasn’t expecting to find it emotional but bloody hell, that was heavy.
I’ve never forgotten the details of that day, I suppose you wouldn’t, but reading about it again after all this time has been a wake-up call. Reading it again has challenged me to face some realities, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
The strange thing is, the accident does not seem important now. As much as it was a terrifying experience to be lying face down in the water, essentially waiting to drown, I very rarely think back to that day any more. I don’t spend time wondering how things could have been so different. What’s the point?
I believe that for whatever reason, that day unfolded the only way it was meant to. So the accident is not worth regretting. The life that I lost, not worth mourning. What I need to do is deal with what I still control. The person I am, the way I treat others and the attitude I choose every morning when I wake up.
I believe that for each of those three things, the accident has bettered me.
I am a better person because I have left much of my negativity and my self-destructive life choices behind me, somewhere between that swimming pool and where I am now.
I hope I treat others better now but you would need to ask the people who know me. Hopefully, the realisation that life can change, and even end, in the blink of an eye has made me appreciate the people around me and treat them accordingly. If not then that’s another good thing to come from reading about the accident again because I am going to double my efforts.
As for my daily attitude, I hope my writing in this blog is proof enough that a destructive injury does not need to destroy self worth, confidence and a sense of purpose.
What I am trying to say is that no matter what challenge life has in store for you, there is always a positive. It might not be apparent straight away but if you look for it then I truly believe you will find it.
I am going to keep reading back over my old posts. I am pretty sure there will be experiences that are difficult to relive but the accident and everything that followed has made me the person I am today. I will try my best to be grateful for those experiences and when I can, I will let you know how I get on!
- Posted in: Appreciation ♦ Broken neck ♦ chronic pain ♦ Control ♦ Death ♦ Decisions ♦ Disability ♦ Disabled ♦ emotion ♦ Fate ♦ Gratitude ♦ Injury ♦ Inspiration ♦ Pain ♦ Paralysed ♦ Spinal injury ♦ Tetraplegic ♦ Uncategorized ♦ Ventilated
- Tagged: Appreciation, broken neck, disability, Friendship, Paralysed, Spinal injury, tetraplegic, thanks