Bookmarks

Now and again, like right now, I feel I am running on the spot. I watch all those around me reach the milestones and achieve all that I was expecting for myself. I don’t seem to be going anywhere.

I was 25, six years ago now, when I had my accident. I had a good house, a good job and I was happy. My life was just as I wanted it, on the path I had planned. That path took a drastic change in direction and the plan I had was over.

By now I would have been promoted at work, met a partner, been married, moved house and started a family, along with much more. I believe.

These major events would have been my bookmarks.

Life is a story, our own personal book and we place these bookmarks along the way. They are there to recognise the turning points in life. To allow us to trace back to that particular sentence, page or chapter of our book.

The bookmarks are placed at the moments of importance, our defining moments.

Over the last six years I haven’t placed any of the bookmarks I had planned but I have been busy creating new ones.

My book is still being written, day by day, albeit a very different book from that one I had planned.

I suppose that’s my point here, and it’s a very short one. It doesn’t matter what book we plan on writing, we need to accept when the plot changes.

What is really important are the bookmarks. Highlights and low points, these are the pages that make your book individual. The rest just fill in the gaps.

I am concentrating on making the right decisions, controlling as many defining moments as I can. The others, I need to hope that my story ends well.

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49 Comments

  1. I like the book you’re writing Steven. We may not have control over all of the plots but we have control over how we react to them. You amaze me.

    • I’m liking it too Colleen, it’s a proper page turner! Thank you pal

      • πŸ™‚ Yes it is. And you’re welcome.

  2. It is only natural to mourn “what might have been”. It would appear you are however busy creating a future you could never have seen, and from the little I have seen doing a great job.Who knows who you will inspire.
    I remember when I was nursing, I was looking after a young man who had been paralyzed from the waist down. We were talking about how his life had changed. He said when he was very low after the accident he was very angry. When they brought along the wheelchair he was even worse. Then one day another man came up to him in his wheelchair and said to him, that it was all about how you look at it. He said to him, “you lie in that bed, and cannot go anywhere. You call the wheelchair a prison, whereas I see my wheelchair as my escape from prison”.
    The young man I was nursing said it had made him change his view of a wheelchair almost immediately. I have often remembered that conversation and in life I do think regardless of the hand dealt it is how we look at it that matters.

    • That sounds like a very wise man. I can understand your patients feelings, adjusting to a completely new mindset takes time and plenty of support.

      I could never criticise anyone for buckling to the pressure of the change. We try to play the hand we are dealt but sometimes the dealer wins. It can be too much.
      I’d love to think that I could give someone that little bit of support that could make the difference.

      Thanks for commenting

  3. A very pertinent observation about reacting to plot changes Steven. I’m at the other end of the age span from you and it’s fair to say that when I think back to when I was 25 there are a few things I thought would happen which didn’t and vice verca. Most of my contacts are at the older stage in life and when they speak dashed hopes, unexpected regrets are often mentioned. Too late to do anything about them now but the key to each person’s outlook now is how they react(ed) to those lows. Inevitably we all handle them differently and that reaction helps ultimately to shape the individual.

    BTW your analogy about writing a book had me going there. A suggestion that more than one poster has put to you before !

    • I would rather have my hopes dashed than live with regrets. I hope when I reach your end of the age span (your words, not mine :-)) I can look back and say that I made the most of what I had.

      Maybe I will regret not writing a book, time will tell!

      Thanks as always mate

      • I think you’re well on the way to not having regrets and making the most of what you’ve got. Good on you for that. Now as for that book…………lol.

  4. I love the idea of placing our own bookmarks. The plot may change, but it is still OUR book.

    • Thank you, got to take some control. Any joy with the new cuisine challenge?

      • Oh, only just seen this comment – not very good at using WordPress to track things yet. But, special post is up for you right now πŸ™‚

  5. Beautiful way of making a point, my strong friend. I agree, we may not always get what we want from life, but we can certainly make the most of what we DO get.
    Lots of love and hugz to you

    • Thank you pal. Got to make the most of the things we can control. I hope you are well

  6. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    I can imagine, yes – easily, you would think back and realise what could have been yet is not. You even have me reflect on bookmarks that I never before realised there was. I never aimed to marry, but got married (at 19), never aimed to have a child but had one (at 29), never aimed even, to be single now and with my son to fly the coup within 5 years, and me not connected with any other human beings.

    Who knows what you could have “had” or advanced in by now without that accident, but what is certain is that you would not be the person you here and are now, the spirit evolving and seeing what you do, contemplating what you do. And sharing with the world insights that people who have not experienced as you did could not possibly see otherwise.

    Like Colleen says, the book you are writing of now, is worthwhile indeed. I enjoy your posts, Steven, I enjoy to be in connect with you.

    • As you say, who knows where I would be or who I would be if not for the accident. I would maybe have all the things I planned for but be miserable or be a horrible person.

      You said that you are not connected with any other human being. I hope you don’t mean that. I don’t understand the details of your personal life but you are connected with many many human beings through your writing. Starting blogging may end up being one of your most important bookmarks.

      • WordsFallFromMyEyes

        True and well said, Steven – may be my most important bookmarks.

        I am not connected with anyone but my son in reality, no. I am preparing for my son to leave the ‘nest’ and I know in blunt truth I have no relationship with any human being where I can be as me/honest/ real.

        My sisters (2 of 3) are there but one with schizophrenia needs more than I can bear sometimes, and the other, with partner and never, not ever understood me, I can call if I want to talk with someone who understands nothing of what I have lived, and I know little of her. And my father: zilch.

        But at least the sun comes up! πŸ™‚

      • I’m sorry the relationships that should be guaranteed are not in place for you, thank you for being so honest.

        I spend time on your site and I see you being in contact with other human beings every day. Other human beings who understand you. I’m not suggesting that these relationships can replace family but maybe it’s an example of realising the plot of your story has changed. Maybe you need to make the most of what you have, which is a way of communicating with many many people who care. You are communicating with me right now.

        I hope that doesn’t sound condescending. I can’t imagine being in exactly the same situation but I do understand how tough it can be trying to stay positive.

        Please note that you can e-mail me any time, if you wish, stevenceltic81@hotmail.co.uk

  7. Love your book analogy, wonder where I’ve heard that before? lol lol. I love what you have done with the idea and it’s described really well. Before a book is published there are many changes and rewrites, another reason why the book reflection works so well.

    The things that happen and the characters we end up meeting change if the book is rewritten in some of the early chapters. This is not to say that the book will be any less interesting or worse from the changes made. The great thing is we have the power to rewrite our chapters by doing things differently if we are not happy with our story as it is now.

    Our bookmarks are also placed where we choose to put them and are as individual as our stories. Some may bookmark their first house, passing their driving test and getting married while along with those (apart from getting married, as I’m still youngish, free and single) I have bookmark my amputation, first wheelchair, my first steps on a prosthetic leg, etc. etc. None of these bookmarks are better or more impressive that another unless we chose to start grading them. Even if other people share the same event it is not exactly the same, which is why all our bookmarks are personal to us.

    We can look back at our past chapters and reminisce, regret, be angry, be happy, whatever we chose but we must focus and work hard on writing some good chapters to come. If something happens that alters the story, in a big or small way, we just have to delete the next pages and chapters and start them writing again.
    It is great that you can look at things in the way you do, to help you keep positive and focused. There are always the bad characters and events in a story but the main character always rises above these and has a happy ending. Your story is very diverse and interesting, you have overcome some major battles and although there may be more to come your experience so far will help you through them. We are very privileged to be able to follow your story and hope to be with you for many more chapters in the future.

    • I have been sitting for ages trying to work out what you mean about where the book analogy came from. It finally clicked that you mention something very similar in one of your previous comments. I didn’t realise it but you have obviously planted the seed, thank you for that.

      Your comment (while being longer than the post :-)) touches on something very important. Of the many billions of people in the world, no two books will ever be the same. That’s a powerful point.

      I’m glad we are reading each other’s books, it is comforting having someone who, despite never meeting, understands me so well.

      I hope you are well, thank you

  8. Asking questions are truly pleasant thing if you are not understanding
    anything completely, but this paragraph gives pleasant understanding yet.

  9. You’ve given me pause for thought. Ive often looked back over my life and wondered how I got here lol I raised one son on my own and now in my 40’s I find myself doing it all over again. Life repeating itself or me making the same mistakes? x
    Great blog x

    • I don’t know the circumstances but I would doubt it is you making the same mistakes. More likely you are being blessed with the privilege of raising another son, as difficult as it may be on your own.

      Glad you could take something from it, thank you for the comment.

      • I always feel reflective (in a good way) when I read about your journey.
        My sons have 16 years between them, the youngest was from a relationship that should’ve ended much sooner than it did but I count my blessings everyday for having my five year old.
        I used to have a bad habit of going over and over my past, wishing I’d been stronger to make difficult decisions but I’m more reconciled these days.
        We make decisions which we think are right at the time, that’s all we can do x

      • There’s nothing wrong with recognising mistakes we have made but it’s important we don’t let them eat away and build resentment. As you say, we can only do what we think is right at the time.
        Nobody can say in honesty that they have never made a bad decision. I’ve made enough to fill a book. Relationships, that would be a LONG chapter πŸ™‚

        X

      • Oh yes, relationships?! lol

        I did learn a lot from my last ‘mistake’ though. I guess that’s the point, learn the lesson πŸ™‚ x

  10. Great reminder to make the best of what we have, Steven.
    Thank you…

    • Thanks Denise. It was a good reminder for myself also.

      I hope you are keeping well

  11. This is beautifully written…love the analogy. The way you write this is almost poetic. WI

    • Thank you very much.

      My posts are usually long winded, got too much to say. This time I just wanted to get a quick thought out of my head, it’s good therapy!

      Thank you again, look forward to having a read through your posts.

      Steven

      • beauty queens who commit suicide, broken people who save lives – the world is truly unpredictable. Short version, you get to choose your reaction, if not the circumstances – always, no exceptions. Weak can become strong, strong can wither away, it’s choice. Somehow you have found the strength to choose life in abundance, and that choice is changing lives. Damn! bring the popcorn! cos this man is worth watching xx

      • That was one profound comment. Brilliantly written, could almost be a short post all on its own. I couldn’t agree more with your view of how strengths is measured by what comes after hardship, not what has been shown before. We only know someone’s true character when they are against the ropes.

        Great comment, thank you.

      • one more from Wayne Dyer: ‘what comes out of when squeezed is what is inside to start with ‘

  12. prayingforoneday

    Steven what a wonderful way to describe our path through life. I have known you a while now and you are one lad I do have respect for for being “Just you” I know the bookmarks you wanted can’t happen, and its BRILLIANT you are creating new bookmarks in your life mate.
    I have been checking in on you from time to time here and its brilliant to see you have the followers you do, I am friends with many who have replied here and you also friends with many I speak to on skype, facebook, email etc.
    I told you when you joined Word Press to do this type of blogging you would be blown away by the caring nature of the people here, and I can see it has not let you down. I am 7 months or so in here blogging, 130 awards, Worlds Most Awards for this http://www.momentmatters.com/awards/ Almost at 1,000 followers, Guest blogging for a few people here and there and about to Start a Radio show with my Good friend Eddie from the USA. This is Eddie here http://bishoptatro.wordpress.com/ I don’t know if you follow him, if not, Steven please give him a follow, he is an Amazing man. He is a Bishop, but also talks science and was once a Nurse at a Hospital, he is a brilliant man. Like me he suffers from Fibromyalgia/Chronic Pain Syndrome, the same thing, just a different name. He puts it aside to care for people on here like I have never seen anyone. I started blogging about people I met on here, I have blogged 4 friends in the last 10 days since I started. http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/category/blogger-friends/ Not all are friends, I tag the shit out of things sometimes πŸ™‚
    So I am really happy you have found a group or support base here of people from all over the world. What you get here is the truth, honesty and just amazing people. You were right, I do not have a better audience, not different, better. This place is opening doors for me quicker than I can step through them. The Radio show http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/shauns-radio-show-coming-soon/ Is a bit slower than I hoped. 80% of my 900 ish followers are American, so it will be times for American people and time zones. But I never sleep anyway πŸ™‚
    And your book, mate that is amazing.

    As someone who knows you slightly more, Keep on Keeping on mate. I found God in these here walls on Word Press. People accept people who are honest. People give a shit here. This is a very UNIQUE place mate, never known anywhere like it in my life. I am not on all too often, We moved home and spend more time with the girls and come on here when I can’t sleep.
    Rach where I seen you there is a brilliant friend, she is good friends with Eddie also, lad I am doing the Radio show with. There are people here who are helping me with Poems and a possible book about my past. Here is a sample http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/growing-up-with-a-criminal-family/ I am guest blogging this into 3,000 words or so to be published in a few days on an American Girls site.

    Anyway, this is almost a blog here πŸ™‚
    I still speak to 30/40 people from Twitter, a few Edinburgh Tims, met a few in the last few months. I hate saying I am in pain, as the guilt comes you know. As there are people worse. But as you have probably picked up this invisible disability is rife, so many have it and this I did this: http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/how-do-you-deal-with-pain-any-pain/ Had a decent response. Please feel free to through your thinking itno that buddy…

    I better go before I break your blog. I will let you know when the Radio show starts, Only rule, no sport talk. Anything else goes. why I got a bishop to help me..

    Be good buddy…

    HH

    • Morning Shaun

      I have no problem admitting you were completely right, this is a great place.

      I was benefiting from getting my thoughts out, just for me, and then the response came. It came with overwhelming kindness and sincerity. Some of the friendships formed through the most complex chain of connections have been a great help.

      When someone leaves a comment and you realise they have understood EXACTLY what you are trying to say, it is confirmation that you are not alone in your thoughts. Something we all need.

      I’m glad you are still doing so well and still finding comfort from your blogging. Also very glad you are spending more time with the family, I know how much you were missing that. I’ll have a read through your links later on when I get a chance but I have stopped by and noticed some of your poetry recently. Another great way for you to express your feelings. I look forward to the radio show although I may struggle with the no sports talk, you know me πŸ™‚

      Eddie and I do follow each other but not had much communication. Something I will need to remedy after such a glowing reference from yourself.

      Thank you for posting the reblog, I appreciate your support and its comforting to know you are still about.

      All the best mate

      • prayingforoneday

        Yeah it is an Amazing place. I have only experienced hatred once, from 1 group of people in my 19 years online. So this is the norm for me. A place where people are Decent. I don’t know if we have a cultural issue or not, but with only 2% of my friends being from the UK and I can count for 7 I think it speaks volumes for Word Press.
        It is very unique mate. And please do have a chat with Eddie. He is an amazing lad.

        Also meant to add, did you add me to Skype, like a month ago? It was a Celtic fan, and I just blocked, I speak to tons, but I like to know they are the Human ones you know πŸ™‚

        Good to see you are enjoying it in here.
        Just love and caring people. And I checked your followers, a lot must have followed you after the 1st re-blog I did from your blog as about 75% were people I know πŸ™‚

        HH

      • It wasn’t me mate. I don’t use Skype although I am planning to change that. I’ll catch up with you properly when I do.

      • prayingforoneday

        Sound…
        Probably some decent person as well πŸ™‚
        Cheers buddy

  13. prayingforoneday

    Reblogged this on Looking for reasoning to a complicated world and commented:
    Brilliant blog by a BRILLIANT man. This is his story, PLEASE, give it a read https://livingwithmydisability.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/introduction/ He is brave, and give a shit, a very caring lad. I knew him when I did the Sports blogging, and I am delighted he is here telling his story and living. He is a good man, Good Celtic Man also πŸ˜‰ Please give that link I added a quick read so you understand the man more. Looking for good people to interact with and talk to and have fun, Then this lad is one of the best. To everyone who follows me, love you all, more love, less hate, PLEASE, Give that link a read and also what I re-blogged. You will be following a BRILLIANT MAN…Hail Hail Steven… Hail Hail! (It is a football thing) lol

  14. Way to go, great attitude, Outstanding!! See you soon.:)

    • Thank you expat, I’ll be looking out for you πŸ™‚

  15. 1st, found and followed your blog here, through Shaun your buddy…a few more: LONG Story short, I left my ex(common-law)husband, twice, & finally, mainly because he could never look forward. He had a horrible accident over 11years ago now, & til the last day I left; his perspective NEVER s changed even an ounce! (Although he got me back by pretending it did). When sharing with someone the story of his accident, it always ended with, “..and now look what Im left with…” I won’t assume I know what he’s been through cuz, I haven’t been through it myself. I was there however, through the ENTIRE ordeal. 3 months in hospital re-learning how to walk, left with 1.5 inches of bone (&height) off right leg, 1 hip replacement (already); & the mental/emotional only those who’ve been there understand…I suffered MUCH, and so did my children. POINT: WE ALL were supposed to die that night. period. we did NOT….Your story changed. Your bookmarks, interests, personal goals and achievements, emotions, desires, or lack there of, esteem, movement, right down to the simplicity of looking out a window in day dream, IS.ALTERED. Yes. You have an ‘attitude of gratitude’ that he did not. You have accepted even if in just the smallest, that there is hope. Different hope. Still. Hope. THANK You so very much for your honest shares. Supportive Reader, JayNine xo

    • I can understand how frustrating it would be for you to stand by your husband, suffering with him, but not see any fight or positivity from him.
      I also understand why he would be so defeated and negative. However, he could walk again, he had a family around him to offer support. I’m not surprised your husband is now your ex-husband!!

      Thank you for coming to me through Shaun. I’ll get around to having a good read through your blog soon enough but I need to get some sleep right now, got a long day of partying tomorrow. Need my beauty sleep!

      Thank you, Steven

      • Steven, One of the many things I enjoy about being part of the WordPress World, is the responses. Thank You! I know everyone is BUSY, so i never expect a response at all. I am very grateful to have found your blog as there is always more to be learned. I love a good personal experience story. Theres not much of those on my blog as yet! I have a few organizational issues through depression, that interrupts the simplest of thought processes for me, right now. Look forward to keeping up with your future posts. Take Care for Today and early Happy 4th of July!!

  16. Reblogged this on CRPS Shazz and commented:
    What a really brave story by Steven, I just wanted to share his analogy of life being a book. Really brilliant writing.

  17. Really enjoy your story Steven, your friend Shaun from Praying for one day has recommended your blog. Really brave writing, thanks for sharing.

    • Hey Sharon.

      I’m glad you’ve followed Shaun’s link, a friend of his is a friend of mine. I appreciate the comments and the reblogging, very kind of you.

  18. As your own author you must envision your conclusion and write accordingly. Don’t forget to give yourself a little foreshadowing, and any non sequiturs life throws your way can be used to make things that much more fascinating. You’ve got what it takes. Go. Conquer. Write your own masterpiece.

    • Ever considered motivational speaking???

      • I like being the one people I care about can turn to for motivation. I guess I haven’t thought too much about any kind of group speaking. Maybe?

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